As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
