Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
