she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
