Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
