I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
