Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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