At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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