At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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