Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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