your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
