i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He shit in the fireplace
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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