i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
