Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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