I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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