the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
