She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize