He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
