An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
