I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
