She's like a pop up book from hell.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
