dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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