i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
