Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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