Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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