Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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