FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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