If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
