Bisexual people are plain selfish.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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