I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
