dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
