he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize