she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
