u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
