I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A+ Viking dick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
