He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
