The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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