Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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