the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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