All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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