He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
