can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
