So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize