don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
