Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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