My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
