she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
