Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
