I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize