is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
