Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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