Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
