She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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