new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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