So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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