Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
