I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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