Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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