I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize