I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
