my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
