I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
