Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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