it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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