you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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