oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
