he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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