I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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