we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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