I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
