I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
