Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize