Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
