Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
