I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
