Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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